Real talk: In the not-so-distant past I wanted desperately to be acknowledged for my talents and given the chance to show what I could do, if only someone would “put me in, coach!” Alas I stayed on the sidelines while others, who I mentored or helped, passed me by on the career ladder.
I was resentful, angry, disappointed and downright confused. I asked myself, “Can they see me? Don’t you see my skills, my talent, my passion?” To this day I’m a bit perplexed but something happened recently that gives it all meaning.
Shining the Light
During prayer I felt in my heart that God wanted all of those things from me.He wants to be promoted in my life; promoted above the other things that have my attention such as my coaches/coaching, working out/fitness and of course my obsession with shoes.
He wants me to acknowledge who He is and all He has to offer. He is perplexed that I pass Him by without noticing His talents. If I would only notice Him and “put Him in coach!” I would be amazed at what He does and where He takes me.
Yes, it’s scary. I don’t know what will happen as I let go and trust Him. But then I remember how it felt to be ignored, passed over and rejected. And I remember this is how He feels when I don’t put Him first.
What a Revelation! All the things I’ve been doing this year, surrendering to coaching, fitness and personal development, has led to this one moment where I can take all the energy I put into those endeavors and transfer them to focus on my Father.
That’s not to say I will stop any of those things, I believe they are in my life for a specific reason. But I’ve promoted God to number one in my life. I will give Him the chance I was not given.
In not having that chance, I understand more deeply how He feels when I put other things before Him and ignore all of who He is and how much He just wants to be understood. He wants to be known by me and He wants to show me His plans and just how much He truly loves me.
Now I know all of those deep emotions meant something. They were not for nothing. Those instances of rejection were not arbitrary but were serving to give me understanding in this very moment of more about Jesus, The Holy Spirit and God the Father.
Lessons from a Madman
I never thought Paul made any sense when he said in II Corinthians 12:8-10 that God’s strength is made perfect in his weakness. But now I’m getting to catch a glimpse of that. Paul said he gloried in his shortcomings and would brag about them.
A shortcoming for me was that I actually connected my self-worth to career advancement. The more I tried, the more rejection I faced. Think Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football. Charles Schultz knew what he was doing.
But I now am thankful for all of those rejections. The remembrance of each one helps me to focus on God; get to know who He is, understand Him better and to be sure He remains promoted and first in my life.
Vous être mon coeur / You are my heart
He is my heart above all other things: above chocolate dessert at Michael’s, above white wine sangria with lychees at Sugarcane, above a 70% off sale at DSW, above falling in love with the perfect man for me, above a profitable and thriving business, above peanut butter and jelly pops at Feverish Pops. He is above all of those things.
Every time I remember the pain and senselessness of the things I went through, I’ll be reminded of God. And that makes me now grateful instead of bitter. Nice how He turned things around. Thanks, Father!